Week 2 Preview:
Loop 1604’s “Journey Through Despair”
8:00PM – Loop 1604 vs I-35
9:00PM – Loop 1604 vs I-10
The SARHL scheduling committee (which we assume is one guy with a dartboard and a Sharpie) has chosen Loop 1604 to pull double duty in Week 2. And we already know how this goes: Two games. One Jaiden-led disasterclass. Zero accountability.
Game 1: Loop 1604 vs I-35
This game has some spicy undertones after last week’s shootout win by I-35, which saw 1604 collapse faster than Mallery’s stick under light pressure. Zack and Gilbert dropped hat tricks, but Greg “The Wall and then The Door” Artzberger couldn’t close it out in the skills comp.
Now we get the rematch — and this time, Andrew Minerd is expected back on the bench… or couch. No one’s sure yet. His attendance is listed as “probable with flu-like excuses.” But if he does play, maybe Jaiden will relinquish the captain hat he’s been wearing around the house all week — literally and figuratively.
I-35, meanwhile, comes in with confidence after splitting last week’s doubleheader. Jake and Penn combined for five goals in each game, and Felipe looked decent in net when not being hung out to dry. If Micah actually shows up this week, expect I-35 to lean into their “underperforming on paper but always in the mix” identity once again.
Player to watch:
Kevin Shanahan — He’s due. For what? We don’t know. But something’s gotta happen eventually.
Prediction:
I-35 wins 6–4 after 1604 self-destructs in the third with too many men… on the bench.
Game 2: Loop 1604 vs I-10
This one’s tricky. I-10 looked dialed in last week. They came out firing and caught I-35 completely off guard, thanks in part to Junior deploying an actual strategy. This is not a drill.
Ray Ortega, Ryan Lewis, and Jr combined for 8 of their 9 goals last week — and with Rick Odom reportedly healthy and Glenn Domingo allegedly skating, there may be some balance to this game.
For 1604, the concern is fatigue. This is game two of a double-header with a bench that could be shorter than Jaiden’s attention span. If Minerd is out again, and BVV stays MIA, the offense will again rely on Gilbert and Zack to carry the load. And let’s be real — if those two don’t pot 3 each, they’re toast.
Greg Artzberger will need to bounce back in net, especially facing a high-volume I-10 attack. His glove was… let’s call it optional last week.
Player to watch:
David Narvaiz — Will he score another goal? Will he record it with his GoPro? Will anyone see it? No one knows.
Prediction:
I-10 wins 7–3, and Jaiden files a formal complaint that the other team had more vibes.
Week 2 Final Thought:
1604 has the toughest draw of the week. Maybe Greg will steal one. Maybe BVV will show up. Maybe this time, 1604 won’t go full Dignowity.
But probably not.