I-10’s Gauntlet
Game 1: Interstate 10 vs Loop 1604
“Do You Even Care, Jaiden?”
Interstate 10 returns for a double-header in Week 3, opening the night against a Loop 1604 squad that’s been… fine. Middle-of-the-road. Like the actual 1604: sometimes fast, sometimes bumper-to-bumper misery, always under construction.
1604 will be without Jaiden for this one — a revelation that sent exactly zero shockwaves through the locker room. Reports suggest he tried to remote-control the game through a group text but was ignored after message three. A sad emoji was his final send.
Minerd will almost certainly be back on the bench after serving double duty in net last week, where he allowed less than double digits (a win in itself). He’s still recovering from trying to block slapshots with existential dread.
On the I-10 side, Junior is riding a 3-goal effort from last week’s otherwise miserable showing. He’ll need more help from Ryan Lewis and Ray Ortega, both of whom have been solid but inconsistent. Someone, please tell Ashton this is the week he’s not supposed to disappear again.
Key to the game? BVV — if Brian decides to shoot instead of dramatically pausing to calculate his plus-minus mid-game, this one could swing quickly in 1604’s favor.
Prediction:
If I-10 can score early, they may wear down the already-shorthanded 1604. If not, this game will be decided by which team can tolerate their own captain’s lack of ego more.
Game 2: Interstate 10 vs Interstate 35
“Referees Can’t Also Play, Kevin.”
If the night couldn’t get more bizarre, I-10 turns around to face I-35, who are missing Captain Penn for reasons we assume involve being legally banned from returning to New Orleans. Without Penn to carry them on his back like a hockey-playing Atlas, this team enters the game in full-on panic mode.
The weirdest part? Kevin Shanahan and Augie, two key skaters for I-35, have volunteered to ref and scorekeep this game — while scheduled to play in it. Either they misread the schedule… or this is the most underhanded attempt at match-fixing since that one time Jaiden paid Felipe in Red Bulls to take a dive (allegedly).
Will Micah show up for this one? Maybe. Will he care? No. Neil and Jake will need to combine forces to generate any offense, assuming they’re not both stuck trying to get Mallery off the ice for a line change.
I-10, now with their second wind (and possibly their second loss of the night), will be relying on Junior’s stubbornness, Ashton’s coin-flip performance, and Rick Odom’s quiet musings to get them through this one.
Prediction:
If Shanahan and Augie do ref this one, expect I-10 to be hit with a record number of bench minors for “general sass” and “abuse of the official.” If they actually play? Advantage 35 — but only slightly. I-10 has the momentum of playing two games. I-35 has the hope that Micah shows up once this season.
Final Thoughts:
This week is going to be weird. The only sure thing? Confusion, missed calls, and at least one over-explained BVV goal celebration. Welcome to Week 3.