San Antonio Roller Hockey League
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Important Info
03/22/26 – Week 5
8:00PM: Czechia (H) vs Italy (A)
9:00PM: Czechia (H) vs Russia (A)
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Last site update: 03/20/26 23:54
Game Previews
Week 1 Preview
8:00PM : I‑35 vs I‑10
Welcome to Week 1, where we all collectively agree that the naming convention is terrible, but we’re going with it because that draft table clearly drank first and “focused” on the draft second. Smart.
Game 1 opens with I‑35, captained by Penn, taking on Junior’s I‑10 squad in a matchup that’s got more returning characters than a Fast & Furious sequel. It’s also a battle of two of the league’s most well-fed egos, and we mean that with love (mostly).
I‑35 rolls into this one looking stacked on paper, but we’ve seen this movie before. Penn’s the architect of some truly dominant rosters… but he’s often nowhere to be found until the playoffs roll around. With Micah, Ian, and Kevin in the mix, there’s enough speed and grit to make noise early (and we’re not referring to Mallery’s skates). Felipe’s in net, probably unaware of what nightmare traffic metaphor he’s being dragged into this season. Good luck.
I‑10, meanwhile, is another a team full of “maybe next time” guys. Vital to this team’s identity is the eternal mystery that is Glenn Domingo. Taylor Newton mans the net, and Junior captains yet again, which means we’ll hear post-game reflections that sound like philosophical TED talks with zero practical hockey insight. The real storyline will be whether Collin and Ashton can develop some chemistry, or if they just go full heroball while Ray Ortega mutters quietly to himself on the bench.
Watch for:
- Glenn Domingo to silently log 3 assists without anyone noticing or even showing up.
- Rick Odom falling on his own stick. Twice.
- A five-minute conversation mid-game about whether it’s “I-10” or “the I-10.”
Prediction: A chippy, chaotic opener that ends 6–4 with someone blaming the goalies unfairly.
9:00PM : I‑35 vs Loop 1604
The second half of I‑35’s doubleheader has them taking on Loop 1604, captained by Andrew Minerd — which means we’ll have the pleasure of watching Minerd try to overthink his way through this game while juggling line changes, defensive rotations, and probably his own feelings. And maybe the feelings of the other team, too.
1604 comes out of the gates with what might be the most drama-laden bench in SARHL history: Jaiden, BVV, Popham, and Ron Ylagan. That’s four guys with more tangled history than the loop itself. Add in Artzberger in net and you’ve got the emotional equivalent of a semi jackknifed at Bandera Road during rush hour. That said, this team could be nasty if they keep the bickering to a minimum and get the puck to Matt Gilbert once in a while. No more than once in a while, though.
I‑35, on the other hand, will be coming off Game 1 with either sky-high confidence or complete exhaustion depending on how that first game goes. If Penn and crew go full freight train on I‑10, they might carry the momentum. If they sputter, though, expect Minerd and Gilbert to play keep-away while Jaiden screams at people for not changing.
Watch for:
- Zack Merullo to finally get his gear out of his car after 4 months.
- BVV to score, celly like it’s overtime, and disappear for 5 shifts.
- Popham to ask for the puck on every rush, whether he’s open or not.
Prediction: Ugly, tense, unnecessarily dramatic. This one ends 5–4 in OT after a last-second penalty that no one agrees on.
Ready for the season. Let the bitterness, confusion, and rebranded highway hockey chaos begin.
Quick Stats
Standings
| Team | W | L | OTL | Pts |
| Czechia | 4 | 1 | 0 | 8 |
| Italy | 2 | 1 | 2 | 6 |
| Russia | 2 | 4 | 0 | 4 |
p = President’s Trophy
* = Clinched Playoff Berth
e = Eliminated from Playoffs
League Leaders
| Player | Team | G | A | Pts |
| Ortega, R | Italy | 8 | 3 | 11 |
| Popham, B | Czechia | 5 | 5 | 10 |
| Narvaiz, D | Italy | 8 | 1 | 9 |
| Goalie | Team | W | GAA | SV% |
| Newton, T | Czechia | 4 | 3.75 | 0.847 |
| Artzberger, G | Russia | 2 | 4.17 | 0.824 |
| Rodriguez, F | Italy | 1 | 4.50 | 0.824 |
Minimum 1 games played
League News
Week 4 Recap
Game 1 – Mariguanas vs. Remember the Armadillos
The final week of the abbreviated Spring season kicked off with a 6-3 win for the Mariguanas—and yet, somehow, they still managed to look like the second-best team on the rink. Despite holding off a depleted Armadillos squad missing half its core, the Mariguanas made this game closer than it had any business being.
Final Score:
Mariguanas 6, Remember the Armadillos 3
Goal Scorers for the Mariguanas:
- Collin Iacarella (x2) – Still allergic to passing and defense, still the league’s most effective black hole
- Brian Van Vlymen (x1) – Picked up 3 assists, but they were more like “rebound encouragements” than intentional passes
- Ashton Baggett (x2) – Alternating between impact player and invisible man; this game was the good one
- Alex Casella (x1) – Quietly snuck in the game-winner, then almost walked off the rink mid-celebration
Goal Scorers for Remember the Armadillos:
- Micah Deary (x1) – On the scoresheet and their in body, but the spirit just wasn’t there. Maybe next game.
- Mike Mallery (x1) – No injuries, no complaints, and one tube of Ben Gay waiting on the bench. That’s a winning attitude if we’ve ever seen one.
- Matt Gilbert (x1) – Demanded to play on a line with Popham, scored, reminded everyone about it, then did absolutely nothing.
Game Notes:
The Great Disappearing Act: Minerd and Penn
The Armadillos came into this one without their fearless leaders Andrew Minerd and Coach Penn, which meant less structure and even less strategy. Somehow, Micah made the scoresheet, but anyone who watched the game would’ve assumed he showed up just to tie his skates and leave.
No Jaiden = Mariguanas Finally Function
The Mariguanas were missing Captain Chaos Jaiden Hernandez, and the results speak for themselves: they played like a normal, functioning hockey team. We assume Jaiden gave Collin Iacarella specific instructions before the game, and we know for a fact Collin ignored all of them. Good call.
Mallery: No Assaults, One Goal, All Smiles
For the first time in what feels like seasons, Mike Mallery made it through a game without being tripped, cross-checked, slashed, or accused of faking one. He even scored a goal and celebrated with a nice rubdown of Ben Gay and a smile that said, “I still got it.”
Gilbert + Popham = Midrange Hype, Midrange Results
The duo demanded to play together, and they did produce a goal, but the swagger didn’t quite match the stat line. While they found the net, neither looked ready to wear the captain’s “C,” unless it stands for “cool story, bro.”
Scorekeeping & Officiating: Heroes of the Day
Zack Merullo stepped into the ref role like a deer into traffic—wide-eyed and mildly terrified—but thanks to unpaid intern-level scorekeeping backup, he got through it. Hats off to all involved for keeping the chaos contained and the whistles under control. Barely.
Final Thoughts:
- The Mariguanas won but should feel no pride in this performance.
- The Armadillos were missing key pieces but still made it a game.
- Mallery finally found peace, and the net.
- Collin continues to dominate while actively ignoring the concept of teamwork.
- Zack the Ref deserves hazard pay and an assist.
Game 2 – Mariguanas vs. Disoriented Dolphins
Game 2 wrapped up the regular season with a whimper rather than a bang, as the Mariguanas downed the Disoriented Dolphins 6-3 in another underwhelming contest where nothing really mattered, no one really tried, and everyone seemed vaguely annoyed to be there. No Jaiden? No problem. In fact, if the season was longer, the Mariguanas might consider making that a long-term strategy.
Final Score:
Mariguanas 6, Disoriented Dolphins 3
Goal Scorers for Mariguanas:
- Ashton Baggett (x1) – His “every other game” pattern continues. This was an “off” game.
- Collin Iacarella (x2) – Even managed to pass this week. Probably a glitch. Attitude still questionable.
- Ray Ortega (x1) – Finding his stride now that the season’s over. On-brand.
- Ray Salvano (x1) – Made his presence known. Then complained about the other 12 Rays in the league. Understandable. Noted.
- Brian Van Vlymen (x1) – The most garbage goal in peak garbage time. Oscar the Grouch levels of trash.
Goal Scorers for Disoriented Dolphins:
- David Narvaiz (x1) – Put one in for the interns. A proud papa moment captured live.
- Ryan Lewis (x1) – Everyone swears he’s good. The box score continues to disagree.
- Jake Hernandez (sub) (x1) – Ghosted his own team in Game 1, popped off here instead. Poetic.
Game Notes:
The Junior & Rick Void
The Dolphins felt the absence of their usual chaos agents, Junior and Rick Odom, in both scoring and falling. Their replacements, Popham and Jake, tried to fill the void, but really just gave the starters time to sit down and wheeze quietly.
Collin’s Playmaking Awakening (Maybe?)
For the first time all season, Collin Iacarella started passing the puck. He picked up a handful of assists and might’ve tricked some folks into thinking he’s a complete player. Don’t be fooled. This was clearly a one-off performance caused by the gravitational alignment of the moons of Jupiter. And no Jaiden,
Felipe and Greg’s Bench Swap Shenanigans
Both goalies—Felipe Rodriguez and Greg Artzberger—decided to upstage everyone by switching benches before the game, just to confuse both teams and the scorekeeper. It worked. Players were constantly turning to the wrong net for water breaks, and we’re pretty sure someone tried to high-five the opposing goalie after a goal. Typical for the SARHL, though.
BVV’s Garbage Time Glory
BVV padded the stats with a goal so meaningless, we’re not sure anyone on the ice acknowledged it. It was classic BVV: quiet all game, then appearing in the final seconds to tap in a rebound and raise his arms like he’d ended world hunger. Legendary.
An Unmemorable Finish
The game itself was forgettable in every possible way, but no one wants to take the blame, so we’re chalking it up to heat, fatigue, and general end-of-season apathy. Nothing to see here.
Final Thoughts:
- The Mariguanas secured first place and a bye straight to the championship game.
- Too bad for them Jaiden might be back. That’s the real twist.
- The Dolphins continue to look more like a team of talented strangers than a cohesive unit.
- Goalie mind games stole the show. Everyone else mailed it in.
- The Rays may need a numbering system going forward. Ray 1, Ray 2… it ends there.
The regular season ends not with fireworks, but with a polite golf clap. Time to gear up for playoffs—where the games (hopefully) matter again, and the effort might return to the ice. Might.
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