San Antonio Roller Hockey League
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06/14/2026
Week 4
8:00 PM | Big Smasher (H) vs Titos Punch (A)
9:00 PM | Big Smasher (H) vs Sauced Mozz (A)
We are a little behind on stats and updates this week. They will be completed ASAP.
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Last site update: 06/13/26 01:28
Game Previews
Week 4 Preview
Game 1
Rush Hour (I-35) vs. The Traffic Cones (Loop 1604)
“The battle of the backups, the bruised egos, and Brian Van Vlymen’s last nerve and game.”
Storylines to Watch:
- Rush Hour is playing above their pay grade most nights. They’re 2-1-1 with a stranglehold on second place… but in this league, that’s like being the skinniest kid at fat camp. Missing Coach Penn, Jake, and Micah has hurt, but not nearly as much as watching Shanahan score and smile about it. Gross.
- 1604 is that team that can score in bunches but then forgets how to play defense halfway through the second period. They’re 1-2-1, and without some lineup consistency, they may find themselves in the Recap Basement™ before long.
- Zack Merullo is might be back after a serious bout turf toe and lamented ego. Let’s see if he pads his assist total or pads his excuses.
- BVV vs. Mallery (again?) is always must-watch. Mallery was seen flipping BVV the bird last time they matched up. Better than day-time soaps.
- Gilbert and Casella need to keep feeding Jaiden the puck — not because he’s the best option, but because he’s the loudest if they don’t.
- Felipe will have to be sharp for Rush Hour. His team’s defense is basically made of popsicle sticks and best intentions.
Prediction:
This one depends on whether Penn is back from wherever he’s been (Canada? Jury duty? Personal retreat?). If he’s in the lineup, Rush Hour can steal this one. If not, 1604 may finally find their rhythm. Either way, expect at least one controversial goal, two self-assigned captaincies, and someone asking if we have sunscreen for an 8pm game.
Game 2
Rush Hour (I-35) vs. Drug Mules (I-10)
“The rematch that absolutely no one asked for.”
Key Context:
- The Mules are still riding high atop the standings at 3-1-0, and if you don’t like it, Junior doesn’t care. He’s not here for your feelings. He’s here to awkwardly toe-drag around defenders and mutter about past championships.
- Collin Iacarella, the SARHL’s own hot/cold enigma, might show up again just long enough to drop 2+ goals before disappearing for another three weeks.
- Ray Ortega has quietly put together a nice season. Like too quiet. Like “Is he trying to avoid taxes?” quiet.
- Meanwhile, Rush Hour will be battling heat stroke and self-doubt in the second half of their double header. At this point, they’re really just hoping Micah shows up and Shanahan doesn’t regress.
- Augie is playing like a man trying to win a bet with his chiropractor. Expect another greasy goal and 14 missed passes.
- Taylor Newton hasn’t blinked in three games. That’s not a metaphor. We’re starting to worry.
X-Factor:
The heat. By the second game, legs are noodles, tempers are short, and Felipe starts randomly wandering out of his crease to stretch. Whoever manages their subs (or shows up with any) has the upper hand.
Prediction:
The Mules continues to dominate the season series unless Rush Hour finds its core again. Or Jaiden subs in for both teams and cancels himself out. There’s a strong chance of this happening. Either way, expect a slower game with at least one goalie yelling at their own bench.
Bonus Prop Bets of the Week:
- Over/Under on “unintentional too many men” penalties: 1.5
- Odds Jaiden refers to himself as “Captain” and/or “Gorgeous” at least once: -250
- Number of complaints about refs from players who don’t ref: 7
- Number of actual game pucks used: 5
- Number of assists Zack almost gets but someone botches the finish: 4
Quick Stats
Standings
| Team | W | L | OTL | Pts |
| Titos Punch | 3 | 0 | 1 | 7 |
| Sauced Mozz | 2 | 1 | 1 | 5 |
| Big Smasher | 1 | 3 | 0 | 2 |
p = President’s Trophy
* = Clinched Playoff Berth
e = Eliminated from Playoffs
League Leaders
| Player | Team | G | A | Pts |
| Van Vlymen, B | TP | 10 | 5 | 15 |
| Hernandez, J | TP | 7 | 4 | 11 |
| Iacarella, C | SM | 7 | 2 | 9 |
| Goalie | Team | W | GAA | SV% |
| Rodriguez, F | GU | 3 | 5.00 | 0.804 |
| Newton, T | GU | 1 | 5.00 | 0.815 |
| Frizzell, B | GU | 1 | 7.00 | 0.754 |
Minimum 1 games played
League News
Week 3 Recap
Game 1
Drug Mules (I-10) 5 – Traffic Cones (Loop 1604) 2
“This one had all the energy of a middle school band recital.”
Goal Scorers – Drug Mules (I-10):
- Ashton Baggett x2 – The master of “one game on, one game off” picked this one to show up. Then vanished.
- Collin Iacarella x2 – Proved once again that cardio is a myth if your hands still work.
- Ray Ortega x1 – He says he scored. No one remembers. We’ll allow it.
Goal Scorers – Traffic Cones (1604):
- Brian Van Vlymen x1 – Opened the scoring, then immediately got ready to ref the late game.
- Ron Ylagan x1 – Took time off from his 1-game-a-season schedule to remind us he still exists.
The Storyline
The marquee headline entering this one was Andrew Minerd’s debut as an actual skater this season. The veteran captain finally left the crease and hit the open ice. The results speak to a sure bet that Minerd is going to change his wheels next week to shake things up a bit. He’s not making that mistake again.
Despite BVV’s early goal that was scored before the ref was even ready, the Cones fizzled quickly. Ashton responded with one of his own still complaining at being compared to a fart in the wind. Little did he know at the time that his performance for the remainder of the night would, once again, resemble a fart in the wind.
Meanwhile, Collin Iacarella — who requires at least two games on the schedule to show up — was fully engaged. He might have looked like he just skated out of a beer league retirement party, but the guy gave the Mules a 2-1 lead heading into the second. His contract negotiations are likely underway.
The second period was more of the same: Ashton briefly materialized to score again, Ron Ylagan dropped in a “hello and goodbye” tally, and Collin doubled down with another. The Cones just didn’t have the juice — or the lungs.
In the third, humidity and heavy legs dominated the pace. Fans were seen leaving early. Ray Ortega quietly added a fifth for I-10, while Rick Odom and Foss played their usual defense from home (literally).
Final Thoughts
The Drug Mules played just enough to win. The Traffic Cones played like actual traffic cones. And we’re starting to think “double headers” are the only way Collin will appear on a game sheet. If Week 3 gave us anything, it’s that Ashton is allergic to consistency, and BVV needs GPS tracking after he scores.
Game 2
Drug Mules (I-10) 5 – Rush Hour (I-35) 4 [OT]
“Oof”
Goal Scorers – Drug Mules (I-10):
- Ryan Lewis x1 – Got bored of waiting for Collin to pass, so did it himself.
- Collin Iacarella x2 – Still refusing to pass. Still effective. Still sweaty.
- Junior x2 – Took five full periods to realize the night had started.
Goal Scorers – Rush Hour (I-35):
- Neil Lewis x1 – Briefly became the team’s top scorer before vanishing into the shadows.
- Kevin Shanahan x2 – Put up numbers. What alternate universe is this?
- Augie x1 – Woke up long enough to score. Probably fell asleep after.
The Rundown
The Drug Mules stumbled into their second game of the night still reeling from the humidity, a depleted bench, and the general knowledge that nobody wanted to be there. Meanwhile, Rush Hour limped into this one without Coach Penn, Jake, or Micah, all of whom were reportedly on a soul-searching trip to Costco.
But against all odds, Rush Hour actually struck first – Neil Lewis fired one in and celebrated like it was a playoff winner. Seconds later, Ryan Lewis responded. Both were overheard asking if “tit for tat” was something they could look up later.
Collin, still in his “show up twice, do it all” contract year mode, gave I-10 the lead. It felt like a turning point — until Felipe Rodriguez reminded everyone he was still capable of standing on his head. This is the only time we’ll compliment someone here, so save this page for posterity — Felipe played great.
Just before the first period ended, Kevin Shanahan, perhaps inspired by his 8 minutes of solid defense, scored to tie it up at 2-2. A rare moment of usefulness that had fans (read: the scorekeeper and the ref) buzzing.
In the second, Collin again silenced the 1604 fans who had wandered back in just to boo him. I-10 led 3-2. Shortly after, Ian Chase got called for a blatant hold — something he’s still filing paperwork to appeal. But it all worked out, because on the penalty kill, Shanahan broke loose for a shorthanded slow roller through Taylor Newton’s legs. Somewhere, Penn shed a single tear of pride. Then Augie bullied his way into a goal, and Rush Hour shockingly held a 4-3 lead going into the third.
That lead didn’t last. Neither did the players’ energy. Junior, who had been doing his best mannequin impression all night, finally broke through with a tying goal. The rest of the third featured more gasping than skating.
No one wanted to play overtime. The entire Rush Hour line-up barely moved. Felipe looked like he was trying to dry off using mental focus. The only real attempt came from Junior, who fired a slow-motion game-winner with all the drama of a soggy pancake.
There was no celebration. There were no fist bumps. Just silence and sweat. Everyone was grateful it was over.
Final Thoughts
- Collin Iacarella: 4 goals on the night. Still hates passing. Still shows up once a month during, as he puts it, his time of the month.
- Shanahan: Shocked the league by not only scoring twice, but smiling after. Medical staff is on standby.
- Felipe: MVP of the game. Possibly of the season. Needs a hug.
- Junior: Ghosted his team until he didn’t. Classic Jr.
- Rush Hour: Snuck away with a point, which they’ll hold onto like a toddler with a balloon.
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