San Antonio Roller Hockey League
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06/14/2026
Week 4
8:00 PM | Big Smasher (H) vs Titos Punch (A)
9:00 PM | Big Smasher (H) vs Sauced Mozz (A)
We are a little behind on stats and updates this week. They will be completed ASAP.
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Last site update: 06/13/26 01:28
Game Previews
Week 9 Preview
One Last Tune-Up Before the Chaos
The regular season wraps up this week with two matchups that may not change the standings, but absolutely have the potential to shift momentum heading into the playoffs. With all three playoff spots locked, this final week is about fine-tuning lineups, setting tones, and finding out which players are ready for the spotlight—and which ones are still nursing their egos.
Game 1 – Waste Management (4-2-1) vs. Dignowity Gentrification (1-5-1)
This game may feel meaningless on paper, but don’t tell that to Dignowity Gentrification, who are playing for pride and maybe a little vengeance after being eliminated from playoff contention last week. Captain Andrew Minerd is sure to fire up the squad for one final push, especially if those magic wheels still have some gas left.
Meanwhile, Waste Management is locked into second place, but they’re just a week away from a rematch with the Southside Sicarios, and a strong showing here could be the confidence boost they need. The Micah Deary show may still be in full force, Jake Hernandez might still be chasing the scoring title that he can’t win, and Penn is almost guaranteed to show up now that the Stoners aren’t on the schedule.
Expect Waste Management to balance “don’t get hurt” energy with “let’s score for fun” energy while Dignowity tries to throw a wrench in the machine.
Key to Watch:
- Will Waste Management tighten up defensively, or will this be another wide-open affair?
- Can Andrew Minerd end the season on a high note, or will he finally throw those wheels into the river?
- Will anyone cover Micah this time, or is that still not a thing?
Prediction: Waste Management should take care of business, but if they get too casual, don’t be surprised if Dignowity turns this into a shootout.
Game 2 – Legendary Stoners (6-1-0) vs. Southside Sicarios (3-4-0)
These two teams will not meet in the opening game of the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something on the line here—for the Stoners, it’s about reasserting dominance after their lone loss. For the Sicarios, it’s about proving they can beat teams not named Dignowity with their full roster.
The Stoners already clinched the top seed, but the loss a couple of weeks back exposed a few cracks. Expect Junior to roll out the full lineup and get the vibes right before the playoffs, while Zack Merullo looks to add to his assist tally and file another official complaint about any missed secondary stats.
The Sicarios are coming off an overtime win, but let’s be honest—it was more chaos than cohesion. With Jaiden and BVV now a certified tandem, Ashton and Collin grinding away, and Zack still in the rotation somehow to be called on when “needed”, this team is dangerous… if they all show up and play the same system. A big “if.”
Key to Watch:
- Will the Stoners play like a team that’s bored of the regular season—or a team that wants to make a statement?
- Can the Sicarios finally deliver a clean, structured game—or is it more Jaiden winging it with subs and vibes?
- Will the Zack vs. Zack subplot (Merullo vs. himself) result in any stat sheet drama?
Prediction: This one could be weird. If the Stoners slow it down and grind it out, expect another low-event win. But if the Sicarios bring full energy and start throwing bodies at the net, we could get a track meet. Either way, a good test before the playoffs.
Final Thoughts:
- Waste Management can’t move in the standings, but they can still prove a point.
- Dignowity has nothing to lose and might play their loosest hockey of the season.
- The Stoners want to send a message: the regular-season crown wasn’t a fluke.
- The Sicarios still have the highest ceiling—and the lowest floor.
- Playoffs are one week away, and this is the last chance to sharpen the blade.
One more week. Let’s see who shows up—and who starts writing excuses for next week early.
Quick Stats
Standings
| Team | W | L | OTL | Pts |
| Titos Punch | 3 | 0 | 1 | 7 |
| Sauced Mozz | 2 | 1 | 1 | 5 |
| Big Smasher | 1 | 3 | 0 | 2 |
p = President’s Trophy
* = Clinched Playoff Berth
e = Eliminated from Playoffs
League Leaders
| Player | Team | G | A | Pts |
| Van Vlymen, B | TP | 10 | 5 | 15 |
| Hernandez, J | TP | 7 | 4 | 11 |
| Iacarella, C | SM | 7 | 2 | 9 |
| Goalie | Team | W | GAA | SV% |
| Rodriguez, F | GU | 3 | 5.00 | 0.804 |
| Newton, T | GU | 1 | 5.00 | 0.815 |
| Frizzell, B | GU | 1 | 7.00 | 0.754 |
Minimum 1 games played
League News
Week 9 Recap
Game 1 – Waste Management vs. Dignowity Gentrification
The regular season finale delivered exactly what we expected: absolutely no surprises, absolutely no drama, and absolutely no change in the standings. Waste Management coasted to an easy 8-3 win over a depleted Dignowity squad, who were once again forced to MacGyver their roster just to get the game going.
Final Score:
Waste Management 8, Dignowity Gentrification 3
Goal Scorers for Waste Management:
- Jake Hernandez (x2) – Tried to steal the scoring title, came up just short. Fun.
- Micah Deary (x3) – Could be trouble if this version shows up for the playoffs.
- Ricky Bobby (x3) – May have been sleep-skating. Still scored a hat trick.
Goal Scorers for Dignowity Gentrification:
- Brandon Popham (x2) – Took over team management and scored a couple goals. Coincidence? Maybe.
- Ryan Lewis (sub) (x1) – Answered the call, then probably regretted it.
Game Notes:
Goalie Ghost Protocol
With both Taylor Newton and Greg Artzberger ghosting the games entirely, Dignowity was forced to turn to Captain Andrew Minerd, who suited up in net. When asked about the experience, Minerd simply said, “It could have been worse. We could have had Rick.” Well played.
Snoozer Status: Confirmed
There was no urgency, no stakes, and not even any particularly spicy line changes. The game plodded along with Micah, Jake, and Ricky casually putting up goals while Dignowity’s bench looked like they were counting down the minutes to postgame beers. With Penn still out, allegedly still recovering from something he picked up in Vegas (medically unspecified), Jake couldn’t quite catch the league’s top scorer.
Line Chaos on the Dignowity Bench
With Minerd preoccupied in net, the burden of leadership fell to Mike Mallery, who came in with a plan, a vision, and at least one dry erase marker. That lasted all of ten minutes, when Popham showed up, took one look at the setup, and declared himself line czar. Mallery, likely sensing the futility, handed over the reins and stepped aside.
Popham did score twice, so he’s officially both the hero and the villain, depending on who you ask.
Soul-Sucking Roster Energy
Despite the sub help, including Ryan Lewis and Zack Merullo, the Gentrification offense remained mostly lifeless. It’s unclear if it’s the team’s structure, culture, or simply the soul-draining nature of putting on that jersey, but even proven scorers can’t seem to make magic happen for Dignowity.
Micah’s Exit Music
After the final buzzer, Micah packed up his 1970s boombox, skated off without saying a word, and disappeared into the night. It was equal parts mysterious, iconic, and completely expected. Either way, it was capital ‘L’ Legendary.
Final Thoughts:
- Waste Management finishes second and looks playoff-ready.
- Dignowity ends the season exactly as they started it: improvisingg and losing
- Minerd was a goalie.
- Mallery tried to organize chaos. Popham said “nah.”
- Jake falls just short of the scoring crown. Sizzler stays safe.
- Micah remains the smoothest man in the league. Boombox and all.
Next stop: the playoffs. Waste Management gets a rematch with the Sicarios. Dignowity just gets to go home.
Game 2 – Legendary Stoners vs. Southside Sicarios
In a game that meant absolutely nothing to the standings, both teams showed up and played like it meant… a little more than nothing. The Legendary Stoners rolled to a 5-2 win over the Southside Sicarios, who, despite knowing the result had no bearing on playoff seeding, still played like they were trying to earn bonus points in a rec league fantasy draft.
Final Score:
Legendary Stoners 5, Southside Sicarios 2
Goal Scorers for Legendary Stoners:
- Zack Merullo (x2) – Padded the stats, avoided the ref’s wrath this week
- Ryan Lewis (x1) – Another day, another goal
- Junior Yupanqui (x2) – May have set a personal record for goals in a game this season, or at least remembered how to shoot
Goal Scorers for Southside Sicarios:
- Collin Iacarella (x2) – Carried the offense and then some, while the rest of the squad tried to figure out which sport they were playing
Game Notes:
Minerd in Net, Again
Andrew Minerd got the nod and suited up in net with Taylor Newton and Greg Artzberger playing hookie. With nothing on the line, Captain Jaiden Hernandez decided not to run the full bamboozle, or else we all know he would’ve swapped Minerd into the Stoners’ crease and called in Felipe Rodriguez for his own team. If this game had meant anything, that trade probably happens mid-warmup. Not probably. Definitely.
Instead, Felipe stood tall in net for the Stoners and faced an absurd 36 shots, stopping all but two. It was, as usual, a Felipe Masterclass™, while Minerd did his best to hold back the Stoners’ top line with a borrowed blocker and a faint sense of regret.
The Hero of the Night
While the players battled, the true star of the night was the unnamed referee who also kept score because no one else would. As we scanned the rink for volunteers, we were met with the classic “please don’t pick me” classroom stare—no eye contact, head down, people pretending to tie their skates or check phantom messages on their phone.
So credit where it’s due: you, unknown sir, are a league MVP.
Stoners Stat Padding
Zack and Ryan combined for three goals after sleepwalking through their first game, and Junior finally broke through with two of his own, which may or may not be his first multi-goal performance this season. Outside of that, the rest of the Stoners faded into the background, as they often do, content to let the top guys do the work and coast into the playoffs like it’s their birthright.
Sicarios Out for… Something?
Despite being told several times that this game meant nothing, the Sicarios came out firing like their season depended on it. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was confusion, maybe it was just Jaiden trying to prove a point we still haven’t figured out. Regardless, Collin did his part, scoring both goals and keeping the pressure on Felipe for three full periods. The rest of the team faded into obscurity with mounting frustration.
Final Thoughts:
- The Stoners finish the regular season at 7-1-0 and head into the playoffs as the undisputed kings of slow, boring, effective hockey.
- The Sicarios showed up like it was a playoff preview, but forgot they weren’t actually playing Waste Management yet.
- Felipe remains unshaken, unbothered, and unbeatable when Minerd is in the opposing net.
- The real MVP was the ref/scorekeeper who should never have to do both again. Ever.
With this one in the books, the regular season is officially over. The playoff matchups are set, the rivalries are renewed, and a new season of chaos is just around the corner. Buckle up.
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