San Antonio Roller Hockey League
Updates
Important Info
03/22/26 – Week 5
8:00PM: Czechia (H) vs Italy (A)
9:00PM: Czechia (H) vs Russia (A)
As always, check Facebook for updates and pick-up
Last site update: 03/20/26 23:54
Game Previews
Week 5 Preview
Game 1
Traffic Cones (Loop 1604) vs Drug Mules (I-10)
“Yield to No One” vs. “Definitely Not Carrying Anything Illegal”
The Traffic Cones are fresh off dismantling Rush Hour like a construction crew in no rush to finish anything. Greg Artzberger is back in form, Ron Ylagan is somehow scoring goals, and BVV is… wait, BVV is gone. On vacation. Classic.
The Drug Mules, meanwhile, are licking their wounds after quite literally laying a turd last week. They’ve got the talent, but the locker room vibes are suspicious. When Jaiden is one of your subs, you know something’s off. And when Ray Ortega is your leading scorer and your loudest critic, you’re not a well-oiled machine — you’re a jalopy held together by duct tape and rage.
Key Matchup:
- Collin I. vs. Artzberger – Will Collin show up? And if he does, can Collin pot one that doesn’t require three rebounds and a prayer on Artzberger?
- Cones defense vs. Ashton – Will they notice he’s even on the ice?
What to Expect:
A tight one if the Mules remember how to backcheck. Otherwise, the Cones could cone-zone them into oblivion.
Prediction:
Traffic Cones 4 – Drug Mules 3 (OT)
Minerd calls a team meeting afterwards that no one attends.
Week 5 Preview – Game 2
Traffic Cones vs Rush Hour (I-35)
“Slow and Stubborn” vs “Slower but Occasionally Dangerous”
These two just saw each other last week in a game that was so lopsided it looked like a practice drill. Rush Hour couldn’t get going, and if it weren’t for Jake’s fluke goal, Felipe might have been filing for emotional distress. Coach Penn probably threatened to cancel movie night if they didn’t show up in Game 2 — and they responded with a strong W.
But here’s the twist: BVV is on vacation. No garbage goals. No stat padding. No unnecessary cellys. 1604 loses its most consistent forward, and the rest of the lineup will need to step up. Expect Matt Gilbert to overthink his way out of a good scoring chance and Zack Merullo (if he’s healthy) to dish out dimes while complaining no one converts them.
Rush Hour, meanwhile, might have finally remembered how to play team hockey. Mallery is suddenly scoring (though, that’ll likely come to an end tonight), Neil Lewis is doing Neil things, and the defense didn’t implode last game. Felipe is going to want revenge.
Key Matchup:
- Penn vs. Jaiden (emotionally) – Who can stir up more mid-game controversy?
- Cones fatigue vs. Rush Hour’s fragile egos – You have to see it to believe it.
What to Expect:
This one could be juicy. Rush Hour has the rest advantage. Cones are skating twice. Expect chaos in the third period as the humidity breaks minds and bodies.
Prediction:
Rush Hour 5 – Traffic Cones 3
Post-game handshake devolves into a passive-aggressive “Good game… I guess.”
Quick Stats
Standings
| Team | W | L | OTL | Pts |
| Czechia | 4 | 1 | 0 | 8 |
| Italy | 2 | 1 | 2 | 6 |
| Russia | 2 | 4 | 0 | 4 |
p = President’s Trophy
* = Clinched Playoff Berth
e = Eliminated from Playoffs
League Leaders
| Player | Team | G | A | Pts |
| Ortega, R | Italy | 8 | 3 | 11 |
| Popham, B | Czechia | 5 | 5 | 10 |
| Narvaiz, D | Italy | 8 | 1 | 9 |
| Goalie | Team | W | GAA | SV% |
| Newton, T | Czechia | 4 | 3.75 | 0.847 |
| Artzberger, G | Russia | 2 | 4.17 | 0.824 |
| Rodriguez, F | Italy | 1 | 4.50 | 0.824 |
Minimum 1 games played
League News
Week 3 Recap
Game 1
Drug Mules (I-10) 5 – Traffic Cones (Loop 1604) 2
“This one had all the energy of a middle school band recital.”
Goal Scorers – Drug Mules (I-10):
- Ashton Baggett x2 – The master of “one game on, one game off” picked this one to show up. Then vanished.
- Collin Iacarella x2 – Proved once again that cardio is a myth if your hands still work.
- Ray Ortega x1 – He says he scored. No one remembers. We’ll allow it.
Goal Scorers – Traffic Cones (1604):
- Brian Van Vlymen x1 – Opened the scoring, then immediately got ready to ref the late game.
- Ron Ylagan x1 – Took time off from his 1-game-a-season schedule to remind us he still exists.
The Storyline
The marquee headline entering this one was Andrew Minerd’s debut as an actual skater this season. The veteran captain finally left the crease and hit the open ice. The results speak to a sure bet that Minerd is going to change his wheels next week to shake things up a bit. He’s not making that mistake again.
Despite BVV’s early goal that was scored before the ref was even ready, the Cones fizzled quickly. Ashton responded with one of his own still complaining at being compared to a fart in the wind. Little did he know at the time that his performance for the remainder of the night would, once again, resemble a fart in the wind.
Meanwhile, Collin Iacarella — who requires at least two games on the schedule to show up — was fully engaged. He might have looked like he just skated out of a beer league retirement party, but the guy gave the Mules a 2-1 lead heading into the second. His contract negotiations are likely underway.
The second period was more of the same: Ashton briefly materialized to score again, Ron Ylagan dropped in a “hello and goodbye” tally, and Collin doubled down with another. The Cones just didn’t have the juice — or the lungs.
In the third, humidity and heavy legs dominated the pace. Fans were seen leaving early. Ray Ortega quietly added a fifth for I-10, while Rick Odom and Foss played their usual defense from home (literally).
Final Thoughts
The Drug Mules played just enough to win. The Traffic Cones played like actual traffic cones. And we’re starting to think “double headers” are the only way Collin will appear on a game sheet. If Week 3 gave us anything, it’s that Ashton is allergic to consistency, and BVV needs GPS tracking after he scores.
Game 2
Drug Mules (I-10) 5 – Rush Hour (I-35) 4 [OT]
“Oof”
Goal Scorers – Drug Mules (I-10):
- Ryan Lewis x1 – Got bored of waiting for Collin to pass, so did it himself.
- Collin Iacarella x2 – Still refusing to pass. Still effective. Still sweaty.
- Junior x2 – Took five full periods to realize the night had started.
Goal Scorers – Rush Hour (I-35):
- Neil Lewis x1 – Briefly became the team’s top scorer before vanishing into the shadows.
- Kevin Shanahan x2 – Put up numbers. What alternate universe is this?
- Augie x1 – Woke up long enough to score. Probably fell asleep after.
The Rundown
The Drug Mules stumbled into their second game of the night still reeling from the humidity, a depleted bench, and the general knowledge that nobody wanted to be there. Meanwhile, Rush Hour limped into this one without Coach Penn, Jake, or Micah, all of whom were reportedly on a soul-searching trip to Costco.
But against all odds, Rush Hour actually struck first – Neil Lewis fired one in and celebrated like it was a playoff winner. Seconds later, Ryan Lewis responded. Both were overheard asking if “tit for tat” was something they could look up later.
Collin, still in his “show up twice, do it all” contract year mode, gave I-10 the lead. It felt like a turning point — until Felipe Rodriguez reminded everyone he was still capable of standing on his head. This is the only time we’ll compliment someone here, so save this page for posterity — Felipe played great.
Just before the first period ended, Kevin Shanahan, perhaps inspired by his 8 minutes of solid defense, scored to tie it up at 2-2. A rare moment of usefulness that had fans (read: the scorekeeper and the ref) buzzing.
In the second, Collin again silenced the 1604 fans who had wandered back in just to boo him. I-10 led 3-2. Shortly after, Ian Chase got called for a blatant hold — something he’s still filing paperwork to appeal. But it all worked out, because on the penalty kill, Shanahan broke loose for a shorthanded slow roller through Taylor Newton’s legs. Somewhere, Penn shed a single tear of pride. Then Augie bullied his way into a goal, and Rush Hour shockingly held a 4-3 lead going into the third.
That lead didn’t last. Neither did the players’ energy. Junior, who had been doing his best mannequin impression all night, finally broke through with a tying goal. The rest of the third featured more gasping than skating.
No one wanted to play overtime. The entire Rush Hour line-up barely moved. Felipe looked like he was trying to dry off using mental focus. The only real attempt came from Junior, who fired a slow-motion game-winner with all the drama of a soggy pancake.
There was no celebration. There were no fist bumps. Just silence and sweat. Everyone was grateful it was over.
Final Thoughts
- Collin Iacarella: 4 goals on the night. Still hates passing. Still shows up once a month during, as he puts it, his time of the month.
- Shanahan: Shocked the league by not only scoring twice, but smiling after. Medical staff is on standby.
- Felipe: MVP of the game. Possibly of the season. Needs a hug.
- Junior: Ghosted his team until he didn’t. Classic Jr.
- Rush Hour: Snuck away with a point, which they’ll hold onto like a toddler with a balloon.
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