The Madness Begins
The regular season is officially in the books, and now three teams out of a field of three teams remain standing in the pursuit of eternal SARHL glory (or at least bragging rights until fall). The Mariguanas sit comfortably in the final, waiting to see which team survives the semi-final slugfest between the Disoriented Dolphins and Remember the Armadillos.
Let’s preview Game 1, and take a look at how either outcome sets the stage for the championship.
Game 1 – Disoriented Dolphins vs. Remember the Armadillos
If there’s one matchup that guarantees chaos, it’s this one. The Dolphins have been wildly inconsistent, mixing moments of brilliance with stretches of absolute disorganization. Junior remains the team’s heartbeat, deciding when and if he wants to score, while Zack, Ron, and Ryan have contributed in waves. Collin K has quickly made a name for himself with his relentless pressure and occasional buzzsaw-level energy bursts. If this group syncs up, they’re a real threat.
The Armadillos, on the other hand, have made a living out of surviving games they had no business being in. With Minerd bouncing around the ice like a utility knife, and Gilbert and Popham hyping themselves into roles they can almost fill, they’re SARHL’s most lovable mess. If Micah or Penn actually show up, the Dillos can be dangerous. If not, they’ll need some classic Foss and Augie magic and a Mallery miracle or two.
Key to Watch:
- Can the Dolphins control the tempo or will they try to win the game in the final three minutes like always?
- Will the Armadillos roll out a full roster—or just vibes and duct tape?
- How long until Mallery starts yelling at someone?
Prediction: This one’s a coin flip. If Junior shows up motivated and the Dolphins remember how line changes work, they should edge it out. If not, the Dillos might stumble into another overtime win and somehow advance.
Championship Game Preview (Scenario 1): Mariguanas vs. Disoriented Dolphins
In their previous meeting, the Dolphins managed to take down the Mariguanas 7-6 in one of the more entertaining games of the season, featuring Zack’s flying game-winner and Jaiden’s spiraling confusion on what a power play is. This rematch would be must-watch.
If the Dolphins make the final, it’ll be a battle of pace and composure. Collin Iacarella continues to dominate for the Mariguanas, while Reuben, BVV, and Ray (whichever one) provide a scoring depth most teams can’t match. The problem? They’ve only looked functional without Jaiden.
Expect Junior to bring every trick he has, from sneaky zone entries to quiet muttering motivation. If he plays both ends, and Zack’s involved from puck drop, the Mariguanas will have to earn every inch.
Key to Watch:
- Will Jaiden be present? And more importantly… will he talk?
- Can the Dolphins contain Collin long enough to frustrate him into trying defense?
- Will goalie bench shenanigans strike again?
Prediction: Too close to call, but if the Mariguanas come in with the right energy and Jaiden doesn’t implode the lineup, they have the edge. But don’t count out the Dolphins and their late-game chaos magic.
Championship Game Preview (Scenario 2): Mariguanas vs. Remember the Armadillos
A rematch from Week 4, where the Mariguanas outplayed the Armadillos but let them hang around too long, this matchup offers tons of potential drama. The Mariguanas won 6-3, but it should’ve been worse, and both sides probably know it.
The Armadillos will be coming off a game already, so fatigue is a factor, but if Micah and Penn make surprise appearances, things could get interesting. The Mariguanas will need to avoid the trap of playing down to the Dillos’ pace, which has turned into their signature move.
This game likely comes down to whether or not Collin and BVV can break the game open early, or if Minerd and the boys can slow things down and hang around long enough to make it disfunctional.
Key to Watch:
- Will the Mariguanas finish their chances early or give the Dillos room to hope?
- Can Foss or Mallery survive two games in one night?
- Will Jaiden implode his own team from the bench or the boards?
Prediction: If the Mariguanas show up locked in, they should handle this. But if the Dillos force it into the third tied or within a goal, don’t be surprised if this one ends in classic SARHL chaos—and maybe another Jake OT winner for nostalgia’s sake.
Final Thoughts:
- The Mariguanas are favorites—but the gap isn’t as big as it looks.
- The Dolphins thrive in disorder. The Armadillos are built from it.
- There’s no way this ends cleanly. Expect a late goal, a weird bounce, or a ref whistle we’ll talk about all summer.
Buckle up. The Spring SARHL Playoffs are here, and we’re hoping for little more than a mess and a single metldown.