Game 1 Preview: Russia 🇷🇺 vs Czechia 🇨🇿
Narrative:
Week 2 kicks off with a rematch from last week as Russia faces off against Czechia — and boy, is it starting to feel like these teams are on a tour together. The bad news? Czechia still doesn’t have a goalie. The good news? They do, but it’s Taylor Newton, and he’s back from his California vacation tan, rested, and presumably not wearing sandals in net.
Russia, meanwhile, will try to continue their perfect (and heavily caveated) start. Their 2-0 record is as legit as a Jaiden team playoff run — looks great on paper until you start asking questions.
Key Storylines:
- Collin Iacarella is still cooking, but rumors swirl that if he scores too many, he might have to start showing up weekly. Will he bother showing up to the game just to protect his “double headers only” contract?
- Jacob Hernandez is quietly becoming the Robin to Collin’s Batman. And by Robin, we mean the Chris O’Donnell Robin from Batman and Robin. Oof.
- Taylor Newton’s return should stabilize Czechia’s back end… or he’ll overcommit on a poke check and just call it quits after missing.
Czechia Without Mallery:
The Czech defense will have to cover for Mike Mallery’s absence, which means someone else is going to have to pretend to care about defensive positioning this week. Odom? Darin? Neil Lewis maybe?
Prediction:
Russia probably still wins this one, but if Newton plays lights-out and Czechia pretends to know how to backcheck, we might get our first OT of the season. Maybe.
Game 2 Preview: Czechia 🇨🇿 vs Italy 🇮🇹
Narrative:
Fresh off 36 minutes of exhaustion and broken dreams, Czechia gets to turn right around and face Italy in the second game of the night. Italy, as always, is a bit of a mystery — one part tamale-fueled chaos, one part Ray Ortega yelling about something nobody else saw, and one part Felipe Rodriguez pretending he’s retired.
Italy, coming off a close loss to Russia, is definitely looking to get on the board. Czechia? Probably just looking around trying to find someone to blame for the predicament they find themselves in.
Key Storylines:
- David Narvaiz has shown flashes of competence — could he be the hero Italy never asked for?
- Which Ray is which? And more importantly, can either of them stay out of the penalty box?
- Felipe’s Fake Retirement Tour continues in net, likely with a few dramatic glove saves followed by 3 “should have had them” goals.
Unknown Variables:
- Will Czechia have enough left in the tank for Game 2?
- Will Darin say anything postgame that forces us to roast him in the recap?
- Will Gilbert remember what team he’s on?
Prediction:
This one feels like the toss-up. If Italy rolls deep with a full squad, they can absolutely catch Czechia asleep at the wheel. But if Czechia rallies around Newton and plays like they did in Game 2 last week, it could be close — or, at least entertaining.
Watchlist – Players to Keep an Eye On
- Collin Iacarella (Russia) – 5 goals already and barely trying. Will he be present this week in the hunt for that MVP narrative or does he only care every third week?
- Brandon Popham (Czechia) – With Mallery out, he may need to skate 3x as much. He won’t, but he might yell about it.
- Ashton Baggett (Italy) – The king of disappearing after scoring one goal. Can he make it two this week? The pressure’s on.
- Ray Salvano (Italy) – It’s never the same game when Ray doesn’t trip someone and then argue it wasn’t his fault.