Game 1 – Traffic Cones (2-4-2) vs. Drug Mules (6-2-0)
Rematch of the beatdown. Do the Cones have short-term memory loss? Let’s hope so.
Let’s not sugarcoat it — the Drug Mules flattened the Traffic Cones last week like they were fresh pavement on a Southtown side street. It was never close. The Mules showed up with legs, lungs, and one very motivated Collin Iacarella who scored four times and acted like it was just another Sunday jog. The Cones, meanwhile, had flashes of life (Minerd scored! Popham too!) — but flashes don’t win hockey games. Goals do.
And when you’re outscored 9-2, you’re not trending toward greatness.
What to Watch:
- Collin is now averaging more goals than some teams. If he shows up again this week, hide your kids, hide your netminders.
- BVV Watch 2025™: Not coming back this season, but much like Santa, we can follow him on social media.
- Zack?: We’re hoping to see a return to action (and a return to stat-checking since BVV is gone).
- Artzberger vs. Newton: Assuming these two show up in net, it could finally be a goalie duel instead of a shooting gallery.
Prediction:
The Mules are rolling. Unless the Cones build an actual wall in front of the crease, this could be another long night.
Drug Mules 6 – Traffic Cones 3
Game 2 – Traffic Cones (2-4-2) vs. Rush Hour (4-3-1)
Fatigue vs Frustration: One team will be too tired, and the other will be too annoyed to capitalize on it.
Now this is the one to circle.
Rush Hour enters fresh (ish) off a win against the Cones in Week 5 and a loss to the Mules in Week 6 that saw Collin light them up like a Piñata at a kids’ party. They’ll want revenge, but more importantly, they’ll want points — the standings aren’t exactly tight, but saying so makes it more interesting.
The Cones, if they survive Game 1, could catch Rush Hour off-guard. It’s possible. Not likely, but possible.
What to Watch:
- Penn & Neil Connection: Coach Penn has been scoring like it’s 2013, and Neil Lewis has found the net more consistently than Ron finds the back door of the rink.
- Jaiden Fatigue Factor: If he plays in both games, expect diminishing returns by period three. Jaiden only has enough juice for about 5 minutes of full speed per game.
- Ron & Popham: Showed some life in Week 5. Maybe now that the bar is below sea level, they can surprise us.
- Kevin Shanahan & Dixon Watch: Will they return from their side hustle as a corner duo? Or are they running late again?
Prediction:
Rush Hour plays better when they’re annoyed, and if the Cones drop Game 1 again… let’s just say the sighs from the bench will carry into Game 2.
Rush Hour 5 – Traffic Cones 2
If the Cones want to be taken seriously again, this is the week to do it. Two tough matchups. Two chances to rewrite the narrative. Or at the very least… keep the scores respectable.